We all have secrets. Skeletons that lay dormant in our closet. Things we never speak of or we don’t want to talk about. Things that have damaged our psyche and have scarred us. When is it okay to talk about what you have gone through? What you are going through? Recently, or not so recently depending on how much you follow the news, the spotlight has been shining on the abortion issue. More recently “celebrities” have been stepping forward to share their abortion stories.
First, I must admit, at this point, I haven’t read the stories. I don’t know if they did it because of crisis, due to sexual assault or where the pregnancy wasn’t viable for whatever reason. In other words, the baby had expired or wasn’t forming correctly and an emergency D&C had to be provided. There are situations where abortion may indeed be needed.
In so many cases, though, it is a life choice that someone is making because they made the mistake of not using birth control. Not because they were assaulted. Not because the child wasn’t viable (missing a part of their anatomy, brain dead, etc.) In the case of viability, yes, I believe the mother needs to make a choice. A decision to decide how to best proceed for themselves.
We are all made differently. Our strengths and weaknesses are different. What we can handle or we can’t handle. I admit, my own beliefs are colored by my experiences. Having a child wasn’t an option for me. I had miscarriages. Unfortunately, the system was set up against me. Health insurance covers abortion, and other preventative measures to not get pregnant. The majority of the time it does not cover fertility treatments or other methods of getting pregnant and sustaining that pregnancy. Unless you are wealthy enough to pay for the premiums that do cover this, you are out of luck. (Military insurance does cover fertility. And I know there have been cases where women have afforded fertility treatments and had multiple births – when they were on welfare.)
So, what is my argument? Part of it is based on my faith and my belief system. The other part is based on personal experience. The first time I knew I was pregnant I couldn’t prove it. What do I mean by that? The tests came back negative even though I showed all the signs of pregnancy. We didn’t say anything to anyone. We dealt with it when I miscarried, and then we went to the doctor and he said, “we can’t do anything about it or even investigate it until you have had multiple miscarriages.”
The last time I miscarried, we knew the baby had already expired in my womb. I was given the option for a D&C or to wait until nature took its course. I chose the latter as my choice is anti-abortion unless there is NO other option. I ended up in the hospital after an ambulance ride, with a morphine drip while I lived through a very painful delivery. After that, we chose not to try again. (I am blessed to have adopted a child in between these things, but that is another story for another time.)
The biggest issue I have with abortion is that too many people use it as a method of birth control. They use it for their “accidents” instead of protecting themselves to prevent it. We are one of the countries whose birth rate has been dropping dramatically. Germany is another one.
However, I digress: the real point I am trying to share here is when is our personal tragedy, our personal pain, something worth sharing and for to what end? Are we sharing these things in the hope to prevent the same situation or help other’s deal with their own burdens? Are we sharing them to manipulate others into doing what we feel is the right thing? My stand on abortion isn’t going to be the same one that others take. As a matter of fact, rather than share my pain, I would rather point out that not only are birth rates dropping, but there is a large group of women, who for whatever reason, are unable to have children. They have tried and were not able to, yet, still crave having a family.
Adoption is something that we should focus on more. I read an opinion piece of why are “Christians” against abortion when they are failing to do anything to help the children who are in the system? I might agree with this opinion except I did adopt a child out of the system. Not only did I do that, but I had to fight in order to do so. (Again, this will have to be another story for another time.) I would point out that we are focused on other countries before our own. We are focused on helping children and adopting them from these countries, rather than our own. I would point out that our focus shouldn’t be on what others are doing, but on what we are doing ourselves.
We can’t change someone else. Change has to come from within. What are you doing to help with that change? What are your motivations? Are you “helping” out of a desire to truly help? Or are you “helping” because you want to manipulate someone into changing? Into doing something that you want them to do?
You know your heart. You know your reasons. No one can read into that, except for God who sees us and knows us for who we truly are. I am not judging why people are sharing their stories. I am simply asking for us all to check our own motivations when we do things. Are we confessing for health, growth, and comfort? Or are we confessing to manipulating and control?