May was a month of silence. Not intentionally, but some how the world was able to crash down upon me and redirect my time and attention. At the beginning of this year, I set up a schedule for a topic each month. Right before May hit, I was in the process of changing the topic and I didn’t come up with anything. I know this because on my list May shows with a –.
I knew it was going to be busy. Before I write, I pray for inspiration, guidance. After all, what can I say that will make a difference? I am nothing but a vessel to be used. If you haven’t read my posts about being a Light Set Upon a Hill – well, that is how I view myself. I have always felt that my calling was in my actions and attitude. An area, where honestly, I often fall short. I fall away from the way I think I should be acting or what I “should” be doing. Yet, God in His wisdom, created me to be imperfectly me.
Years back I had a disagreement about how we respond when God calls us. I remember walking on a beach with my step-sister, her boyfriend and his best friend. We were talking about where we felt God called us. Directions. Where we were being led. The topic of when God calls you to action came up. Well, I responded that I don’t jump in when I hear God telling me something. I dip my toe in the water first. I want to make SURE I am doing God’s will. I want to make sure I am hearing it correctly. The interesting part of this is, when I said these words, they all turned on me like I was crazy. What do you MEAN you don’t just jump in. They all professed that they would jump and do it right then.
Here is the thing, God created us individually, specifically and He KNEW us before we were conceived in our mother’s womb. He KNOWS me better than I know myself. I am HIS creation; perfectly and wonderfully wrought. So, since He knows me.. He knows how I am going to respond, how I am going to react, what I am going to do. When I fail, He picks me up.
Now, I don’t always question God. There have been times when He has pressed on my heart so strongly I knew I needed to react in that moment. The last time this happened was when He told me I needed to pray for a friend of my Mom’s. We were getting ready to leave and I felt a small tug to pray for her. Needless to say, I ignored it at that moment, but when we got in the car to drive away God pressed on me SO strongly I knew I HAD to react. I knew I had to turn the car away, walk back into her business and we took her aside and prayed for her. This isn’t the first time God had pressed on me to pray for someone and I am certain it won’t be the last.
I know you are wondering, what does ALL this have to do with forgiveness?
The answer is simple. God is quick to forgive us when we ask. Man, not so much. Still, we need to ask for forgiveness. It doesn’t mean it will be forgotten, but it gives us an opportunity to move on and grow – learning from and accepting our part in making mistakes or causing hurt. It is a humbling experience when you truly go before someone to sincerely ask for their forgiveness.
So how do you do it? Much like this; I need to ask forgiveness for going a month without posting. I have felt it on my heart this year that I should be writing these blog posts. I felt it very strongly at the beginning of the year that I should commit to doing one a week. I failed during the month May and even now, I am late in June. So, not only do I ask God to forgive me but those who may be reading this please forgive my inactivity.
We don’t know who we touch. We don’t know how we will touch someone’s life. We aren’t all called to the same place. Some of us plant, some of us water, some of us harvest. Some of us till the soil. No matter where you are or what God has called you to do, do it with grace. Do it with peace. Do it with the knowledge that you can shine where you are planted – even if that place may seem distant and desolate. God puts us in place for a reason. If you have been called but feel like you are falling short, know that it is never too early or too late to ask God to forgive you, to give you direction and to move forward.
Rejoice in the knowledge that He created you. He understands you. He watches over you. He keeps you. You are wonderfully wrought. No matter how you ‘see’ yourself. How you notice your flaws or if you feel regret, grief, distress – remember that God can turn your mourning into joy. That you are LOVED. No matter how you see yourself or feel like you may have failed – all you have to do to receive forgiveness from God is to ask.
People may fail but God never does.