In another couple of days, the celebration of Valentine’s will be upon us. It’s a special day, extolled as a celebration for couples in love – a day their single friends bemoan their ‘alone’ status. Some singles use the time to celebrate as well, however, either alone or with their other single friends.
Having come into existence sometime during the 5th century as a Roman celebration for the coming of Spring, which included fertility rites and pairing of women with men via a lottery, over time, it has morphed into the holiday we know now, making February 14th one of the most common wedding days of the year throughout the world.
Valentines Day is a Celebration of Eros Love or Is It?
- Eros – Sensual or Romantic Love. This is the type of love shared between two people. Sexual desire, physical attraction and physical love.
In today’s society, we tend to shy away from the discussion of erotic love. The word erotic is associated with Eros, as it is a product of the word itself. Eros defined: Eros (Ancient Greek: “love” or “desire”) is a concept in ancient Greek philosophy referring to sensual or passionate love, from which the term erotic is derived. Sometimes, the word erotic is used in a negative or worldly connotation, but this doesn’t mean the word is bad. Indeed, Eros is a love to be celebrated. One of the best examples of this type of love can be found in the Song of Solomon, which depicts the celebration of love between a bride and her groom.
She[a]
2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
for your love is more delightful than wine.
3 Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
your name is like perfume poured out.
No wonder the young women love you!
4 Take me away with you—let us hurry!
Let the king bring me into his chambers.Friends
We rejoice and delight in you[b];
we will praise your love more than wine.She
How right they are to adore you!
5 Dark am I, yet lovely,
daughters of Jerusalem,
dark like the tents of Kedar,
like the tent curtains of Solomon.[c]
6 Do not stare at me because I am dark,
because I am darkened by the sun.
My mother’s sons were angry with me
and made me take care of the vineyards;
my own vineyard I had to neglect.
7 Tell me, you whom I love,
where you graze your flock
and where you rest your sheep at midday.
Why should I be like a veiled woman
beside the flocks of your friends?Friends
8 If you do not know, most beautiful of women,
follow the tracks of the sheep
and graze your young goats
by the tents of the shepherds.He
9 I liken you, my darling, to a mare
among Pharaoh’s chariot horses.
10 Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings,
your neck with strings of jewels.
11 We will make you earrings of gold,
studded with silver.She
12 While the king was at his table,
my perfume spread its fragrance.
13 My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh
resting between my breasts.
14 My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms
from the vineyards of En Gedi.He
15 How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes are doves.She
16 How handsome you are, my beloved!
Oh, how charming!
And our bed is verdant.He
17 The beams of our house are cedars;
our rafters are firs.
There is No Shame in Sensual, Physical Love
We are taught to celebrate romantic love. Yet there is an underlining ideal that physical love is shameful and should be hidden. However, as we see in the Song of Solomon, there is no shame in the sensual, physical love shared between spouses. There should be no shame in physical displays of affection; kissing, hand holding, hugging. We need to stop feeling like there is something wrong with these things. We should not withhold our physical affections because of what other people think.
This type of thought and behavior is a lot like the belief that Christians should be poor. The Bible doesn’t tell us we need to be poor; it tells us not to worship money, which is NOT the same thing. We don’t need to withhold our affection. We need to be, under the right circumstances, an example of the proper way to love.
As I shared in my previous post, there are different types of love that God has blessed us to be able to share. They are unique to the type of love we give. We work toward having agape love, the unconditional love of God, so we can be a light that points toward Him. We share Eros love with our spouse that celebrates the love between two people. Philia love is what we share with our best friends and family members. Finally, there is Storge love, shared with everyone else in an empathetic (the ability to understand and share the feelings of another) way. God has blessed us with the ability to pour out our love on others and as we do our tanks continually fill up.
More Than A Lover
How great is it to be filled with an over-flowing love toward our spouse. The life partner God has given us. We must remember it is impossible to be everything to one person (only God can fully complete a person). We need to have friends, family and a life both together yet separate from our partner. We grow stronger by remaining unique individuals who build each other up and strengthen each other. (I think Kahlil Gibran describes this wonderfully in his Two Sides of Love – see below.)
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
Two people are strengthened by the physical love that binds them together. We put our trust in each other; they are our best-friend, our sounding board, our lover, our confidante. They don’t need to share all our hobbies and views. They support us when we are weak. They have our back in times of adversity. They give us wise council – all from a place of love.
When you have a partner who celebrates and delights in the Lord, it is a blessing, as you share not just Eros, the physical love, but agape – the unconditional love. You want the best for that person. When you hear the term that God is love, He isn’t just one type of love, He is all encompassing love. He fully loves us. He wants the best for us. He leads us and guides us with His grace and wisdom. God created Eve for Adam so he wouldn’t be alone. God gave a partner to him so they would share foundational truths, and when they were cast from the Garden of Eden, they still had each other to share the new burdens that were placed on them due to their disobedience. Mark 10:9 “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Being Single on Valentine’s Day Just Gives You a Chance to Celebrate Loving Yourself
Yet, even though we have set aside this ‘holiday’ for couples, it is important to consider that it has become a celebration of love. Transformed from its beginnings as the spring celebration of fertility and all that came with it, we now mark it as a day to celebrate those we love. This means, if you are single, you should celebrate the love you have for yourself. The love you have for your Creator. You should spoil yourself and know that where you are is where God wants you to be. Being alone doesn’t make you less on this day. You are as special as the couples who are celebrating their love; you are just celebrating in a different way.
We don’t follow the rules of man, we acknowledge them. Even the Bible says to pay Caesar what is due to Caesar and give God what belongs to God. So, while the world may say that the 14th is meant for couples, we can acknowledge and agree that it is a day of love. Celebrate love.