The Greek definition of Philia is close friendship or brotherly love. In English that equates to the love between siblings, best friends, close friends, confidants and/or parental love.

As any sibling may readily admit, while we don’t always like our sibling, we do love them. We may fight with them but we will also defend them until the end. You may be on opposite ends of the spectrum 90% of the time, but the shared 10% is all a sibling needs to justify their unity. (Truth be known we can do it with less.)

Friendship  Love

There are so many phrases we use when it comes to close friends. (“Brother from another Mother” just being one.) Proverbs 18:24 refers to ‘a friend who sticks closer than a brother’. Most people will equate their best friend as being their sibling; sharing secrets, having each other’s back, and being there in both good and tough times. It is this shared history that brings us even closer together through the years. It is easy to see why sometimes people have chosen their friends over their family. (Although this isn’t a new development; we just have to look to the Bible to see how often siblings chose something over their brother; generally out of jealousy.)

The love of family is and always has been under attack. The enemy is doing his job too well; coming to steal, kill and destroy. We see it almost every day in the news, with each bad report, about what is happening in the world around us. Children turning against parents or parents turning against their children to fateful ends – with one ending in the grave and the other in prison. Sometimes, the guilty seemingly go unpunished for their actions. The family continues to be under constant spiritual attack. We are seeing the harvest from seeds planted long ago.

Love Conquers All

Even with all these things that are discouraging and mortifying, love can withstand the attacks. Children will often be bound together not only by self preservation but by the protective instincts that tend to rise up in order to keep their sibling(s) safe. These shared experiences, and others like them, pull them together. However, they may also push them apart as they get older; while trying not to remember their shared history.

We need to remember that there is good in the world and stop focusing solely on the bad.  Maintaining a positive outlook is a choice; sometimes it is a very difficult one not only to make but continue to choose to maintain. When the world is throwing itself against us, like a high wind that blows, knocking off not just the leaves from the trees but everything else in its path, it can be virtually impossible to stand up against. When we have all this negative being thrown at us, it is difficult to maintain a positive disposition. It is easy to forget who we are and to challenge our beliefs. Especially, when “so called” friends/acquaintances begin to add to our own doubts.

When we can’t remind ourselves, as we are down, it is our friends and family who help to refresh our memory. The people who have weathered so many storms with us, who understand our true character, and help us to remember who we are. They bring to mind what we are capable; they know us almost as well as we know ourselves. (In some cases they may know us better than we know ourselves.) These are our tried and true friends and our support system, the people we should trust over people we barely know.

It is easy to say, trust in God, yet sometimes we need someone we rely on to come along to remind us that we are capable of remaining strong in the face of adversity. It is one of the reasons that the Bible tells us to gather together to encourage one another. (Hebrews 10:25) This encouragement is meant to help us to stand firm during adversity.

This is an opportunity to build each other up. It’s why going out to coffee or lunch is so important. It gives us a chance to vent to someone we know we can say anything to without (hopefully too much) judgement. (I would like to believe with no judgment. Sometimes it is hard to tamp down the flesh and only respond out of love.) 

Be The Friend You Want Others To Be

I think that the saying is more true today than ever before. Remember, our job as a friend is to be there, to be silent while we listen, to encourage, to offer sage advise when required, to not make judgements, to help find resolutions and stand strong WITH our friends and family. Get together and support each other. Be a sounding board. Keep your mouth closed to others about what your friend says. Remember it is THEIR story to tell. They get to CHOOSE who hears it. Not you. Being a true friend means you don’t gossip about them behind their back. That the way you speak about them to others is what you would say if they were standing right next to you.

True friendship is a prized jewel. It is something that is rare and can be difficult to find. It is something that lasts through the years. It weathers storms. It weathers distance, changes in relationships, children, as well as time. It will hold up regardless of if you speak to each other every day or go years without saying a word. When you come back together it is as if you had never been apart. I am blessed to have some friendships like this. I am honored to know there are people I can call on any time and they will be there for me. I am blessed to know that what I tell them goes no farther than their ears.

For you this may be your spouse, your sibling, your best friend. If you have someone who is a true friend, be thankful. If you don’t have anyone in your life, know that they are out there; it may take time to find them but they are out  there. Remember, you reap what you sow. Start by being the friend you want to someone else. There have been times in my life when I saw someone and before I had even spoken to them I KNEW they were going to be my friend. Guess what? They are not only my friends but some of my closest ones. God will reveal to you the people you should have in your life.

Just remember that people come into your life for a season. Sometimes a season may be a few days or a few weeks, other times, that season is a lifetime.